Alternate win conditions for Operation Bikini
“Operation Bikini” begins every year in Spain about this time. It’s a dark ritual that involves doing whatever is necessary to achieve the perfect summer body. If we’re being honest with ourselves, we’ll probably never get that body. But we try anyway. Oh, do we try.
It’s the second major self-improvement effort of every year, after New Year’s resolutions. Back in late December we were going to join a gym, diet, by next summer become goddesses. Now here we are, a third of the year over and no progress to report. Time for a redoubling of efforts. Desperate measures. Operation Bikini.
Every year, the fad diets come with much fanfare and then quietly go away. There’s the artichoke diet, the Duncan diet, the fruit diet, and currently and most bizarre of them all, the food inhaler diet. Yes, you read it correctly. The Vaportrim (“Inhale flavours. Curb cravings. Lose weight.”) consists of a tube, similar in size to a cigarette, that is used to inhale the flavours and smells of a muffin, a cupcake, or a cinnamon bun. Seriously. By smelling these tubes you’re supposed to avoid the actual temptation of eating those chocolate doughnuts. Since when does smelling tasty food make you less hungry? Some people might be able to dupe their appetites with this trick (olé for them), but when my stomach rumbles, no man or machine can stop it.
When I’m hungry I want to enjoy eating. Actual eating. Operation Bikini this year is about self-acceptance. Today I went to the market to buy a chicken and beers. As I crack my beer (only one – the rest are for the recipe), I accept that I will not lose those 10 kilograms. And I feel better. I start cooking, and love myself a little bit more.
Drunk Chicken ingredients
• One chicken cut into small pieces
• Half a liter of lager beer
• Mushrooms (optional)
• One onion, diced
• One clove of garlic
• One bay leaf
• Olive oil
• Pepper, salt
Marinate the chicken in beer for one night. Heat olive oil on medium-low heat until the oil begins to ripple. Fry the onion in the oil until it turns translucent. Add the garlic, making sure it doesn’t burn. When the onions are almost done, season the chicken and put it into the same pan. Fry the chicken until the skin is brown and crisp. At that point, cover the chicken with the beer you used for the marinade. Add more if need be. Let it cook for around 35 minutes on low heat. Add the mushrooms and the bay leaf, and let it cook for 10 more minutes. Add more salt if needed.
Tip for serving: if you want to have a very creamy sauce, take the chicken and the mushrooms out of the pan and blend the rest of the sauce. Serve with French fries, boiled rice or mashed potatoes.